In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize