Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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