This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
