And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
