I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
organizing the empties. That sober.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
