I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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