Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize