I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
