Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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