dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It's just like the Real World with babies
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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