Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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