4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Your tits are I can't wait for
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
