You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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