Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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