That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
tell me about the fingering
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