I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize
