okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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