Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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