Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
