I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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