so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
