I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
