even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
