see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
