im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
