the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
