your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize