walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I want to be your penis for a week.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's rum buckets o'clock
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
