i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize