Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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