We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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