So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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