I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
