we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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