You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize