mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
