Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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