Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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