Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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