do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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