New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
