it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
