Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
