He passed out mid-signature
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
