I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My feet surprised me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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