This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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