i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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