Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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