i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize