My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
