I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
