I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
