I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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