yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
