Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize