I didn't shave. On purpose
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
