i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
