girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
