woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
