I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
