You can't motorboat a personality
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
