So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
