meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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