Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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