no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
