I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
