Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
