im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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