he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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