Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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