I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize