Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i drank out of a bidet.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Randomize
