8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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