so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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