She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize