He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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