And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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