Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
