FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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