if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
