I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
