omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
