i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
pray to the hookup gods
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Holy shit dude........stairs
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize