wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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