We got so high we made milksteak
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
